For a while

It lasted for a while
and then got washed away
love was in eyes
now only tears stay

it touched for a while
and now only scars are here
your touch was in my palms
now only blisters are there...

Are u there?

My words were bigger than me,
you listened to what I said,
you left it unheard what's unsaid,
surrounded by the miseries
and bruised with the pain
a silent cry inside
tears roll hidden behind mane…

It’s trying time
And you chose to stay apart
We were bonded in a strong bond
Then how come separate hearts?

I still hope.......

Ah! It’s the fateful day
My world was shattered,
He chose to end your stay!

The moment I opened my eyes
All was gone,
And I hoped against hope
To hear you again
To live in the virtual world
That it’s just a nightmare
When I will wake up
You will be there

I still hope.......

Thought 2...

9.An Indian dream comes to an end, as new one takes over....A never ending saga of triumph of hope...

10.It's high time we start thinking...but about what??? "Peanut Brains"

11.No wonder you appear lost. It’s a maze called life!!!

12.Gosh I am fat...will surely start workout tomorrow (Should start the good work by having Last Pizza..Sob Sob)... ROFL

13.Close your eyes and the world looks so beautiful....Ask a blind man...your opinion will change.

14.The day I stopped chase away my fear, it stopped pursuing me...now we date ones in a blue moon...

15. Fallback taste the defeat and then rise again to face the glory...

16.Life is not just about standing in front of a queue it's also about at time standing at the last place...otherwise you may end up standing alone while rest of the queue behind you shifts to another place.

17.Embracing the destiny yet not submitting to it

18.My death was not your victory; it was your loss...now you don’t have an enemy to fight with, to defeat and stand victorious...

19.Courage is an inherent quality and without it we are just a spineless creature...

20.I was happy to have you, I am even happier to let you go. This is the first time I see you smiling.

Your little girl...

Survival is difficult
I am in middle of a tussle
Whom to choose, whom to leave
Do I have a choice?
No I don’t want a choice
Want you to be on my side
The way you always were
Since you held me in your arms
A small plum tot...

Ever since you treated me
as your doll, your kid
But then I grew up
And now it’s time to part
I know you are not sure
Scared for me, in strange lands
Want the best for me
But afraid of the worst it can be

You never thought of me to leave
Even in your strangest of dream
But it’s true and will gleam
Yes I am in love and there is he,
But this is destiny, will happen,
But without your blessing it can’t be
As for me both are water and air
Can I survive without anyone of you here?

Take it that I have to go,
But still I will be your doll
Yes someone will be important to me
But can’t take your place at all
Trust him, he will treat me well
And will hold me if I fell
Will care for me, more then all
Because he know I am your doll

I know what you want
All you want is safe hands
To hold your little girl
Not to treat me as dust,
But care for me as a pearl
I know nothing can make you trust
And even you are not unjust
But just believe for once
Support me to embrace my fate
Trust me he won’t be a nightmare
But your daughter’s soul mate

Close your eyes

watching this orgy

Surprised yet again!
calm of the sea ever tempting
invited...
I venture in deep blue,
ignored the memories
of its last plunder,
robbed my motives
dumped me on thy shore half dead...

Yet again, knowingly oblivious
To thy uncertain nature,
Off to voyage.
Wooden boat with a white sail
Riding high in good faith
befriend the crusader,
merciless and brutal...

Inviting calm of thy,
I dared to venture far
Shores blurred,
now vanished completely.
Sight could catch just the mighty blue...

Calm grew deep inside me
In tune to placid water
surrendered my oars, and laid down.
Watched virgin clouds,
flirt with sun.
White Greek clouds...

Eyes submitted too...
felt the calmness touch me,
and grew within.
Ah! A life in few moments
attracts to venture in the sea.
unabashed and carefree...

thy mood can change,
once ‘white’ clouds
next dark demons.
conspire with the storm
to shower havoc, coax the waves
to rise high, with a roar
fanatic attempt to kiss eve

Sea watching this orgy,
Will raise thy brows
To snatch back thy keep,
pull waves back in.
A war between the wildest
lovers, breaching the sanctity
to mark thy impression
muddle and try to conquer the waves

lost in my calm
caught in middle of the war
I may end up losing all
My calm, faith and innocence
Or witness the biggest of tussles
still emerge unhurt and braver

all is scripted deep inside
too involved in calm
I chose to keep eyes closed
live every bit of it…carefree...

Surrounded by Shadows of my own instability and fears

Surprised by my frequency to surpass all records of mood swings... I often find it a challenge to judge my own course. Instability is somewhat an integral part of my nature, be it the case of any trade, relation or emotion…It is hard to bank upon my on logics or reasons, about which I was so sure just few moments back…Although this makes it hard for others to judge me or map my thoughts, irony is even I am as oblivious about it as anyone else.

It’s hard to hold my ground and stand tall amidst this grave dilemma…People have tried to define it for me...They call it childish, confused, carefree attitude and at most of the occasions irresponsible behavior. I am unable to judge my own tone while dealing with others; it can be a case of utter sarcasm or may become cynical at times. But deep inside I know that’s something I never meant, never ever launched the campaign to belittle someone, as I do not hate them.

Shadows of my own instability and fears keep me at toe all the time. I never know how I may react, and what mood will commandeer my thought process. You can easily teach or make someone learn when they are willing to and have already not developed a specific tendency, even it is bit difficult yet easily achievable to change those who do have developed a set of tendencies but yes, are pretty much willing to adapt or change.

My case is complex, with the different tendencies I have adopted and while someone tries to help me rectify the issue all of a sudden they will realize I am no long in that mode but switched to an even verse form. Although I want to unlearn the screwed up things and then relearn the correct way, but slave to my own ideals or misconceptions I find it almost impossible. Leave alone an attempt to apply corrective measures. It is hard for anyone to even approach me with any such preposition.

I do know whatever mindset I have, is not entirely incorrect. My ideals are not completely wrong but the way I approach and apply these may turn out to be faulty. Repair is possible when one is unaware where exactly the problem lies and also uncertain about the exact nature of it. Hence in my case it is malignant and without any precedent…hard to judge where the actual seed is sown, what may cure it. It is almost a lost cause to find a cure when you don’t know where the root of illness lies and even unable to judge the nature of it.

Maze

Surrounded by my fears,
And guided by my vice,
Unable to see the simplicity
And incapable of bearing complexity
I wander in the maze, built by me for me...

Beauty and charm was there but,
lost in my quest to figure out grey...
Spring was the season surrounding me
Lost by advent of May...

Complexity grew so much,
It engulfed every strand of faith
Lost the way in front of me,
Left it all on fate

Unable to see what I want,
Not ready to take what others think
I built a concrete cocoon of my thought
And suffocated my soul inside it...

If the dead could speak!

Only if the dead could speak!
I would have risen to say
You forced me into death
Your love fooled me
Your trust betrayed me
Your reasons left me blank
Your lust reduced me to nothing

Still if space was given,
I could have lived, Survived the suffering.
But even this was not granted
Your breath chocked me to the verge
And cramped in your narrow thoughts,
I succumbed one day...

But are you to be blamed?
If I could have said it
Pored my heart and told you how I fee
Let you know, no longer the magic exists,
No longer I expect you to turn the,
Pumpkin into chariot...

Said that Spark was gone long back
The moment you stopped reading my eyes
I should have told you all...
Ah! Wish I did...

What a wonderful stay

What a wonderful stay
I learnt, u made way for me to grow,
you held the light high to make the path glow
Committed errors, repeated them,
still you patted on my back,
telling “I trust you”
I learnt to win, never to lose,
learnt that all is achievable
learnt to apply myself what may come

I gained courage from you,
in the moments of despair
I garnered knowledge from you,
in the blank moments
I learnt to trust and believe
with you holding my hand in narrow lane.

It's time to fly away,
the nest you built was cozy and I felt safe
but it's time to discover new lands
I am not a brat, just a kid learning to grow up
it's not a revolt..but application of your thought

Let me go as I will learn to be safe,
let me go as your ideals are deep in me
Let me go to apply it
where I am out of the comfort zone
I am away from your safe hands
learning to follow my mentors’ path
learning to be like you...

Hold my faith

I have lost the hope
the world is no more familiar
afraid to be recognized by anyone
plan to run away from all known..
Submitted to the fear…

would those mine will ever understand
and try to figure out what's wrong?
Will leave me like a stranger
to save themselves, from my miseries
Or try to solve my problems
and embrace me within them

Faith which is lost
can be garnered again,
Holding some ones finger,
Get support from those shoulders
pat on back to console
caressing the head
to tell it's fine, don't be scared
a gentle kiss on forehead
yes we are with you always......

I wait to hold that finger,
tight hug and pat, touch of that hand,
a kiss on my forehead
to rekindle the spark for life
to shine again, and getting the strength back
to restore the faith..........

Thought...

1.Solace in a sacred relation called friendship...

2.I have chosen to get robbed of my small wishes in lieu of a big promise… This is a blunder...

3.As a kid I was rich, and now I am a bankrupt person with my dreams mortgaged to gain material worth...

4.Success and failure are two dependent states, which are entirely determined by our own self...I can be successful even after failing, just by acknowledging the efforts I made toward accomplishing the goal even though that was not done...and I can fail even after coming on top by comparing my growth with that of someone else and hence feel the relative defeat just because the other person has more than me...

5.Suffice is one word we seldom use in our life...and growth is one word we live for…but the irony is that the former is a solved quest which we never aim at and the latter is an mirage we try to reach...

6.Ever felt the joy when able to vent out the pain and agony, which at times encroaches our soul and pricks’, torments’ to penetrate even deeper is left inside...

7.Surviving is not the task, surviving with dignity intact is the aim...

8.With joy inside we can see beauty in the utmost ugly structure; hence the very notion of beauty or ugliness is derived from our own inner state...

Morning Walk...

A wet morning...walk on wet green grass, barefooted I felt the earth beneath my feet…wet sticky bit filthy but felt better then satin... Rain drops falling on me, and slowly I am all drenched...Small streams of water started to flow from my hair to forehead, and made way down on to my face...touching edges of my cheeks & a big one traveling on my nose...and the collectively merged on my wet lips...the touch is so soft and tender...as if kissing the rose petals..I can feel the earthen smell, wet soil and fresh washed leaves. A walk on the black narrow road with trees bent over it...as if this was a never ending walk...at least I won’t like it to get over.

I can hear melody in my ears, the sound of leaves flutter, birds chirp, splash of water, gushing streams, wind, horn from a distance, shouting school kids…and off course the orchestra inside my head...It was a perfect concert...

The grey cover on the sky mostly leaves me in a state of melancholy, but today it made me smile. It came from within...ah! I am happy, cannot overcome this unbounded joy, gush of happiness. Cannot contain myself, just had a smooth ride in this flow...

All those dead trees and bushes around me…reduced to burnt charcoal by blistering summer in this city of concrete suddenly became alive...life was oozing out, flowing on uneven track...along the cracks of dead bark, playing with each leave, kissing the creepers mounted atop the trees as if a crown…monsoon glory at full...

Oops, I stepped in puddle, but this is fun...to play with the rain water and to become a kid again...

It was bliss to get up early and see this beautiful painting, of which I was a tiny part...

I head to embrace success

With borrowed vision,
I will tread the lonely path
Dream is near to the end
Cold and pale, I face my reality…

Destiny never crossed my way
But when it came…
erased the path and footprints
Leaving behind me,
struggling to discover a new lane

Dual minded I venture
In the woods
No longer scared or worried
As have already lost my soul

Emotions are doomed to die
It’s just prestige at stake
Corpse of my dead dreams on my shoulder
I head to embrace success.

Drenched Soul…

Soaked...
walking on the wet pavement
trying to hold the droplets
kissing the skin

Looking toward the sky
feeling drops bouncing on cheeks
tossing back up and a splash
ah! this music

life was never so beautiful
dancing in the joy
a fit of laughter coming from within
heart swinging to the unheard tunes

Soaked skin deep
in this lovely feeling
the new meaning I have got
from you

All wet outside
drenched inside
suffering was never a bliss
but enjoying this sweet pain

No bounds to hold this
emotions oozing out
silent cry with all joy in it
state inexpressible
even in my writing....

Survival of sorrows

Dirty mud filled lanes
with stink all around
a broken street lamp
tilted a bit with corroded base

It’s drizzling hard
all wet, rain pouring in
not a corner left dry in the
dingy home of pole n polysheet..

The blue sheet is torn,
with patches all over
like tormented soul
unable to rescue this time around...

holding to the corner
a week skinny structure
resting thy head on the pole
looking outside from the cracks

Sky is grey and wet
pain is growing inside
a warm droplet rolls out
piercing thy calm

Uneven blade cutting inside
saw on wet wood
thy heart is bleeding
Silent cries from choked throat

The agony, the plight
hitting hard with every droplet
kissing thy skin,
wading through the memory lane
probing and pricking each scar
Nothing has survived
Just survival of sorrows...

sun shines behind the clouds

In the far land it's
showering light,
spreading cheer and
life blessed with happiness

but here,
sun shines behind the clouds
clouds dark and grey
thick enough allowing nothing to pass

chained in the dungeon
trying hard to come
but fails every time
misery and pain overpowering it..

It's a dark night,
night which will never pass
I keep waiting for my dawn
ignoring the fact that can never see it

busy lane

Broad lanes of busy mind,
crowded with memories,
imagination and shadows
Churning every thread,
trying to weave a story
answers prepared,
for the questions raised
this self scrutiny goes on...

Trying to see the grains
detailed facets of everything around,
being logical
and then being the fanatic
full with doubts, queries,
hopes, answers...

A violent tussle going on
and at times a serene quest
machine working it out
to ensemble parts of a jigsaw
solve the never ending set
of riddles

at peace but still at work
actions all guided by it
a pulse going around
raising question on the very existence
then getting a satisfactory answer

small pauses in between
but not full stop
with the full stop
everything will come to an end...

By the shores of a red river

Barren cold river shore.
Limbs scattered,
stench, tormenting enough
to melt my bones.
Wish I could escape far from this,
boundless river
casting death spell wherever it goes.

Brutal and red,

challenging the life - it rose high, roared,

swept away the beauty.
In a flash, laughing alive moments

washed away.
Leaving behind,

the broken parts of lives.


My eyes are moist,
at the sight of this gory scene
But I chose to do nothing
was busy building a dam,

securing my life.

secure, though all around
me was vanishing,
obsessed with ‘I’.

Like most other,

busy building their castles and boats,

while thousands are struggling to wade through,

in a desperate attempt to survive...

My castle is ready.

I am safe,

while rest fall off,

dead dry leaves
or a twig facing the heat,

perishing in their independent struggle,

clinging on to the last white grain of sand
by the shores of a red river.

Dew Drops

It's hard to get
everything you desire..
it's even harder to understand
people around you..
life and relations
both are complicated…

Quest is to stay happy..
whatsoever may come..
life will deliver you happiness
only if you give it happiness...

Still I find it hard
to forget those days
like sand it slipped away
won't come back ever
lost with time,

inside me are
the fading, yet fresh memories
more I try to move on,
more I get soaked in the
never ending, but sweet pain

yes you were right
I feel fresh,
After expressing the unexpressed
found reason for this turmoil

but I will move on
to give happiness to life
to get happiness from life
contended with the tiny dew drops
cherish it lifelong....

Washed Away

unkempt and dirty,
smelled of dry blood,
victorious I stood
in the battle field

Sticky dark stains covering
the battle field
and my soul,
with bodies all around
and behind me band played
victory song...

I stood there filled with joy (or false pride),
victorious...thinking of the glory
undefeated was I,
land was mine.....just land

There was a roar in sky,
echoing the cry inside me...
challenging my joy
and then it drizzled
blood red mud all around me

Can't stand my own presence,
what was it...
humanity taking over pride
or the moment or realization for
the victorious master of all

Ah! What pain , the agony inside,
realization when all is gone..
washed away with my stream of greed
With drizzle washed away the greed
and now I am washing the stains...

Unsung Song

Between the lines,
thy pored his heart
and flowing through it, tunes
of agony...pain enough to kill.
poisonous, pity, ugly or poor
call it what may...

Never murmured a word
not a drum beat
strings were even not tuned
composed with..with the never ending sorrows

It was for no one to hear,
except one..who never heard it
in the never composed
composition..were cries of dying soul

Surviving to be beaten again,
tormented and quashed
tune went on..with every sigh
composed till alive
complete with thy death

unsung unheard song
buried in thy grave...

I wonder!

It's hard to get
everything you desire..
it's even harder to understand
people around you..
life and relations
both are complicated…

Quest is to stay happy..
whatsoever may come..
life will deliver you happiness
only if you give it happiness...

Down the memory lane...

All over in my memory lane
you are there
can recall walking to school,
holding your hand
climbing up on your shoulders
being the biggest cheater
cause I know you will support me...

Asking for that pretty doll,
waiting for your birthday present,
when you are not around,
and even mistaking someone else for you...

asking mom to make your fav dish
when you are back from outstation,
cause we shared our favorites’
fighting with all,
telling then you love me n only me...

Ever ready to listen to those,
cute jingles you made for me,
recognizing you by Mustache
even while sleeping...


yes you were the bestest
I wish you were around
to be with mom,
to enjoy the joys you deserved,
for we to still live carefree
knowing you are around...

I miss you...
You still are the bestest...

Face it?

It is hard to admit,
the truth to our heart,
it's harder to admit,
our sins to our soul…

Life goes on, time pass by,
we keep on covering ourselves
in that hard shell,
anything can penetrate
but not hint of our true self…

It's hard to see the right image
without any mask,
without any veil,
life is a big masquerade party
shadows moving all around…

At times it does strikes
strikes to that little corner of our brain
where some pure blood stays for a while
to tell the truth…

but it's hard to tell,
so we search a secret keeper
that almighty or someone else
to create another myth of confession…

maybe someday we will gain courage to
face it - the saint or devil inside.
but will that happen?
When will we get the vision to see it?
and be brave enough to face it......

Let's talk straight....

Let's talk straight.
with no frills,
no masks, no veil
just truth, no lies

I have stopped identifying,
with your carmel coated words.
Cause that's not you,
you do not mean a single word.

Stop being politically correct,
stop playing this game.
I can take it, what may come,
but bearing this is shame.

We were not like this,
nor on any terms we got along.
If it's time to part, tell me?
Don't say it will go on...

Let's just talk straight....