Drifting from your righteousness

When drifting from your righteousness

I seek within me,

The very sense of what is to be upheld

and what to leave behind.

Moronic and insane believes,

I shrug off all.

Layer by layer, peel-off what is dead.

I start to admire what is beneath

wrapped, which no one relates to, 

it was left behind in the process of growing up.

Simple and straight, no veil

real and true faces, faces forgotten,

even the mirror fails to recall,

I constantly keep drifting from your righteousness

To stay connected with these true faces.

I Bleed

I bleed...

Torn apart, bruised
thread is severed,
blade cuts in further

I scream...

Unheard, unsaid, agony
Tormented soul,
soaked in tears or blood?

I plea...

No hand coming to rescue,
No heart with compassion,
Alone, struggling to hold on
Failing badly

STILL

I survive...

dead mass moving around,
looted, dead, dark inside
Soul perished in this act

DO

I survive?

Silence

Speak up...
I know you are dying to say
Pore your heart out
All unsaid, unheard pains
Want to share..since long

Happiness and miseries..
All deep inside, intermingled,
need to sort out,
Bring back the happiness
Yes...speak up..

Surrounded by Shadows of my own instability and fears

Surprised by my frequency to surpass all records of mood swings... I often find it a challenge to judge my own course. Instability is somewhat an integral part of my nature, be it the case of any trade, relation or emotion…It is hard to bank upon my on logics or reasons, about which I was so sure just few moments back…Although this makes it hard for others to judge me or map my thoughts, irony is even I am as oblivious about it as anyone else.

It’s hard to hold my ground and stand tall amidst this grave dilemma…People have tried to define it for me...They call it childish, confused, carefree attitude and at most of the occasions irresponsible behavior. I am unable to judge my own tone while dealing with others; it can be a case of utter sarcasm or may become cynical at times. But deep inside I know that’s something I never meant, never ever launched the campaign to belittle someone, as I do not hate them.

Shadows of my own instability and fears keep me at toe all the time. I never know how I may react, and what mood will commandeer my thought process. You can easily teach or make someone learn when they are willing to and have already not developed a specific tendency, even it is bit difficult yet easily achievable to change those who do have developed a set of tendencies but yes, are pretty much willing to adapt or change.

My case is complex, with the different tendencies I have adopted and while someone tries to help me rectify the issue all of a sudden they will realize I am no long in that mode but switched to an even verse form. Although I want to unlearn the screwed up things and then relearn the correct way, but slave to my own ideals or misconceptions I find it almost impossible. Leave alone an attempt to apply corrective measures. It is hard for anyone to even approach me with any such preposition.

I do know whatever mindset I have, is not entirely incorrect. My ideals are not completely wrong but the way I approach and apply these may turn out to be faulty. Repair is possible when one is unaware where exactly the problem lies and also uncertain about the exact nature of it. Hence in my case it is malignant and without any precedent…hard to judge where the actual seed is sown, what may cure it. It is almost a lost cause to find a cure when you don’t know where the root of illness lies and even unable to judge the nature of it.

Hold my faith

I have lost the hope
the world is no more familiar
afraid to be recognized by anyone
plan to run away from all known..
Submitted to the fear…

would those mine will ever understand
and try to figure out what's wrong?
Will leave me like a stranger
to save themselves, from my miseries
Or try to solve my problems
and embrace me within them

Faith which is lost
can be garnered again,
Holding some ones finger,
Get support from those shoulders
pat on back to console
caressing the head
to tell it's fine, don't be scared
a gentle kiss on forehead
yes we are with you always......

I wait to hold that finger,
tight hug and pat, touch of that hand,
a kiss on my forehead
to rekindle the spark for life
to shine again, and getting the strength back
to restore the faith..........

Drenched Soul…

Soaked...
walking on the wet pavement
trying to hold the droplets
kissing the skin

Looking toward the sky
feeling drops bouncing on cheeks
tossing back up and a splash
ah! this music

life was never so beautiful
dancing in the joy
a fit of laughter coming from within
heart swinging to the unheard tunes

Soaked skin deep
in this lovely feeling
the new meaning I have got
from you

All wet outside
drenched inside
suffering was never a bliss
but enjoying this sweet pain

No bounds to hold this
emotions oozing out
silent cry with all joy in it
state inexpressible
even in my writing....

busy lane

Broad lanes of busy mind,
crowded with memories,
imagination and shadows
Churning every thread,
trying to weave a story
answers prepared,
for the questions raised
this self scrutiny goes on...

Trying to see the grains
detailed facets of everything around,
being logical
and then being the fanatic
full with doubts, queries,
hopes, answers...

A violent tussle going on
and at times a serene quest
machine working it out
to ensemble parts of a jigsaw
solve the never ending set
of riddles

at peace but still at work
actions all guided by it
a pulse going around
raising question on the very existence
then getting a satisfactory answer

small pauses in between
but not full stop
with the full stop
everything will come to an end...

Unsung Song

Between the lines,
thy pored his heart
and flowing through it, tunes
of agony...pain enough to kill.
poisonous, pity, ugly or poor
call it what may...

Never murmured a word
not a drum beat
strings were even not tuned
composed with..with the never ending sorrows

It was for no one to hear,
except one..who never heard it
in the never composed
composition..were cries of dying soul

Surviving to be beaten again,
tormented and quashed
tune went on..with every sigh
composed till alive
complete with thy death

unsung unheard song
buried in thy grave...

Let's talk straight....

Let's talk straight.
with no frills,
no masks, no veil
just truth, no lies

I have stopped identifying,
with your carmel coated words.
Cause that's not you,
you do not mean a single word.

Stop being politically correct,
stop playing this game.
I can take it, what may come,
but bearing this is shame.

We were not like this,
nor on any terms we got along.
If it's time to part, tell me?
Don't say it will go on...

Let's just talk straight....

Why I am here?

Hard to find
To feel or say,
And harder to stay

With life lost
Lost in maze
What am I doing,
why doing,
plugs my mind

is it the name,
or some other thing,
I am chasing?

Even why am I here?
here at all,
To see the dead faces,
Or to be dead?

Life without you…Better than with you…

World is quite strange,
different in its own ways,
Strangers act as friends
and friends as strangers.

If you cry they will make you smile,
but when you smile they can't bear it for a while,
Life is good when you are alone,

I trusted to trust no one.
I trusted to be on my own,
Cause they were never yours,
never to call your own.

I do not know if I am right in my ways,
but I know I am lesser hypocrite
then others, who do not show.

I am talkative, but I cannot help,
But yes better then talking to them,
I will talk to my own self...

Life without so called friends,
Would be bit empty,
But at least my soul would be free,
Not indebted for their false support...

I Fly....

Choosing between right and wrong, is not what I do, I do what my heart says. I Fly......